20 Years Later, My Adoption Story

There are a few times in life where the decision you make alters the course of your journey forever.  One of those moments for me was when I gave my first child up for adoption 20 years ago today.

I was 18 when I got pregnant (19 when she was born). I was on my way to dropping out of high school and had no direction.  I hid it for as long as I could and only told a handful of people.  I lived as if everything was normal because I was in denial.  Looking back I think I thought if I didn’t acknowledge the pregnancy that maybe it would just go away.  I was so scared and lost.  😦

One month before giving birth I was in a bad car accident – that was it, my secret was out.  I was rushed to the hospital and kept over-night.  There was no way to hide it from the ones who loved me any longer.

By the time my family found out I had already decided on adoption.  I am so lucky I had enough sense to even consider it.  I’m sure they weren’t thrilled with the idea, but the alternative was to help me raise her and I couldn’t do that to them.

There was a lot of stress and sadness.  There was doubt and confusion.  But I knew it was the right thing to do.

It was a closed adoption so I don’t know where or how she is doing now.  Am I curious?  Sure, but I would never seek her out.  I made the decision to walk away 20 years ago and feel it would be incredibly selfish of me to disrupt her life like that.  If/when she’s ready I have made it easy for her to find me.

I want to take a second to thank my parents for supporting my decision and my friends for being there when I need to talk.  Without you I would be completely lost.

To my daughter, I hope life hasn’t been to hard on you.  From what I remember you were adopted by a great family and have at least one sibling who was also adopted.  I pray you never think I didn’t want you, I just wanted you to have a better start than I could give.

I could say I wish things would have been different, but this experience is a big part of who I am and has helped me grow into the woman I am today.  For that I am proud.

2 thoughts on “20 Years Later, My Adoption Story

  1. That is amazing but must have been so hard! I’m sure your courage has made you a better person in life. If she want to find you hopefully it will be easy because that would be wonderful. Obviously she’s lived her life with her new family long enough that you would not be taking her away anymore 🙂

    Like

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